When I jumped off, I had a bucket full of thoughts...

Sometimes you have to be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.  When I started doing this a month ago, the role of this blog was to fulfill a dual purpose.  First and I believe foremost, this blog is to serve as the opportunity for others, who may or may not be interested, to have an opportunity to stay in contact with me as I journey across the country to California.  I figure that since I got rid of Facebook there is no other medium by which others would be able to follow along, and I do intend to take photos and post them along with my adventures, of which I hope there are many, so why not do this.  The second purpose that I see this blog serve, is that of an opportunity for me to examine the path that has led me to this turning point in my life, which I hope will provide some insight into why it is I am pursuing this but also to hash out something that I may still need to work on in my own life.  So far so good, though I am now a month in and no one is following me, then again I haven't told anyone, so that will have to change.

When I said that you have to be careful what you wish for because you just might get it happened to me without even realizing it.  I have taken these last few months as an opportunity to rid my self of the anything that has been or might hold me back and prevent me from fully living into this new phase.  This transition is huge for me, monumental, ginormous even, because this is something that I have thought about and hoped for and worked for, for so many years and to see it finally come to fruition is actually a bit mind bottling.  So I want to make sure that I am as prepared as I can be in order to learn, live, love, and laugh for the next three years as I gain the necessary tools and experiences that will become the foundation of my ministry.  My intention has been to rid myself of this baggage and for the most part it has been fairly easy.  I will be leaving my job soon, so there goes all that stress and long hours.  Sure I will miss the guys, because it was by far the best company I have ever worked for, but I know that my talents should directed elsewhere.  I am finally leaving my house and the daily routine which is nice but it is time to go out on my own and see what i can do with this opportunity, will I sink or swim???  There are so many other things that will be coming to an end and there is much that can be taken away from all of this, and its not like I am not coming back in three years, so this isn't goodbye for most just a see you later type deal.  Goodbye has always been seemed so permanent, as if you didn't know if you would never see the person again.

However I did have to say goodbye to one thing and it turned out to be the hardest thing to let go of.  I knew that I had to let go because I didn't want to head out to California with no definition as to what and how our relationship was going to work out.  I needed confirmation, proof even, that one way or the other our relationship was going somewhere or it needed to be ended.  For most people the hardest part is to first let go.  I mean it is easy to see when something needs to change, but actually taking the initiative to make the change is so much harder.  But  I was lucky.  I was fortunate in that I didn't have to be the push that made this move because she did it for me.  She gave me that window of opportunity to let go, but I had to jump off and seize this opportunity or watch this baggage riding with me out to seminary and be a distraction.  There were feelings that were deep that said don't jump, just wait it out and see what might happen, but I can't live like that anymore.  So I let go of the safety that is found in things and people that are familiar, and jumped off into the unknown.

I never got to actually say goodbye...but I think we both know that is exactly what this is.