I have taken some time since my last post deliberately as I wanted to make sure that I had some time to think about what it is exactly I wanted to say. I firmly believe that God puts people into our lives for certain reasons. Whether it is for a momentary chance encounter, for a lifetime, or anything in between, I believe that there is something that can be taken away from all of our encounters. When we engage in relationships with others there is a mutual flow of support and encouragement that will uplift the other and allow us to live more fully. Perhaps it is because of our human nature, but when there is a breakdown in a relationship with someone we have a hard time recognizing the failures of the relationship and when we must simply let go. This has happened to me in the past and is unfolding again, and sometimes I feel lost, confused, and don't know where to turn, so I turn to God.
I am currently immersed in a situation that has me struggling yet again with this very question, do i let her go? A relationship that I have had is clearly coming to an end and what makes it so much more complicated is that it was an intensely close relationship that was at one point romantic and I would venture to say "best friends." While there was no formal definition for our relationship because of the sheer distance between us, I still believed that there was something there and that something might work out. I was setting myself up for failure and a hard fall down. It is clear that there is still something still going on between us but it has been made clear that she has moved on and that there was never any intention on her part to make this relationship work. Fear of the unknown prevents us from taking that first step that could lead to something wonderful or at worst a mistake. But if we are too scared to even take that step, that leap of faith, then the opportunity passes us by and we will never know what could have been by opting for the comfort of the familiar or the easy. She says she wants to stay connected and that maybe somewhere down the line our path may cross again, but what do I do? What do I say?
A part of me says that I should let go of this baggage that has and will continue to weigh me down, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. By severing all communication and leaving this in the past I will be completely free as I head west to start this new phase of my life. I can move on from her and be ready to engage in new relationships without the burden of her resting upon my shoulders. That would probably be the smartest thing to do for me, but the other part of me says that we have known each other for almost eight years and over the course of those years we have spoken openly and candidly and been close friends. How could I, as her friend, abandon her know as she deals with her emotional fallout from this. The reality is, and I'm afraid to admit this, that since she has clearly moved on with her life, that it doesn't matter whether I am there for her or not because she has someone new, but that I should move on and let go of this romantic baggage that I have been carrying for so long. I have decided to offer all of this up to God and I have prayed that He will show me where I must go and what I must do through the people that I will be meeting along the way.
I just hope I can resist the temptation from her.
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