Love Life: Introduction Part 2 - Gospel (Day 2)

What new word is God speaking to you?

Self-worth.  This is the word that has been speaking to me in my prayer recently.  It is a word that I hear, but I am not actually listening to it.  I am not hearing and inwardly digesting the word, instead it goes in one ear and out the other.  I am slowly approaching a goal that I have been working towards for a long time, a goal that at one point seemed unachievable, but now I am on the verge of its realization.  This goal has and will continue to shape and form my life.  While this is an exciting time, I am now questioning just how good will I be in living out this goal.  Am I good enough?  Will I make a difference?  What sets me apart from others who are also realizing the same goal?  I believe that I am called to a specific vocation.  I believe that I have a range of gifts and acquired skills that will support this vocation.  But somewhere, somehow I do not feel good enough.  It is not that I need to be told that I am good enough by others because I tend to diminish or dismiss their praise.  However, it is clear that if God is telling me that I am good enough and others are telling me that I am good enough then perhaps it is time for me to stop hearing and actually listen.

This was especially hard for me because as I look back throughout my life I think that I have always struggled with a sense of self-worth.  I am confident in my skills.  I am confident in what I bring to the table, but I often struggle with accepting that I am good enough.  Don't get me wrong, I have a loving and supportive family and circle of friends that have been very supportive and they have affirmed my calling.  I think that my struggle is that I am a bit dismissive of their plaudits because what loving family or friends would say, "Hey, you kind of suck at this maybe you should think of doing something else."  No one would say that, unless they were brutally honest, which sometimes is necessary in any relationship but is set aside because no one wants to hurt another person's feelings.  I think I will become more confident in myself when I am actually living out this vocation.  Perhaps I have been in an academic setting too long, too removed from actively engaging with a community on a day to day basis.  I think it is time for me to put my gifts and skills to use and then, maybe then, I will see more value in myself in what I can give to the wider world.

Lord, help me to actually listen to the words you speak to me and to trust them, because if I am not listening to that word what else am I missing?  Help me to listen better.  Amen.