Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding - Proverbs 3:5
When ever I walked into the call center at GS I always noticed the several inspirational posters that were framed and hung on the wall. Of course they were there to provide motivation to the members of the call center as they interacted with the customer. I cannot attest to the effectiveness of these posters had on the call center but nevertheless there they were on the walls. I distinctly remember one of them. It said, "Trust takes a lifetime to build, but only a moment to destroy", or something along that line. The poster is absolutely right.
Trust is built up over time, with successive moments where a person is able to count upon either another person or a group of people, and in which each person can lower their guard, become vulnerable, and be their true self. It only takes one moment, one decision, one action, that can shatter a person's trust in another person or organization that will forever change the dynamic of that relationship. I do not have to look back very far into my own past to see moments in my life when I had to truly trust in God.
I have known that I wanted to pursue ordained ministry since I was in high school. I felt that God was calling me to a life of serving and building community. After graduation I enrolled as an undergrad at Sewanee, aka the University of the South. For those of you unfamiliar with this tiny church owned liberal arts school, it is located on the Cumberland Plateau in southern Tennessee. The school's massive land holdings and its location on the edge of the plateau makes for one of the most picturesque campuses I have ever seen. It is owned by a consortium of southern Episcopal Diocese and houses a seminary on its grounds. I believed that this school would have been the perfect stepping stone to ordination. In fact I had in my mind thought that my plan was going to occur in a linear fashion, high school to seminary to ordination. Bing, bang, done. I trusted that this was God's plan for me...but what I failed to realize as I zealously headed off to middle of nowhere Tennessee was that my journey was not at all going to unfold according to my plan, but to God's.
Fast forward two years and I was back in Boston with my education on hold, my journey towards ordination on hold, and my life just sort of drifting along without direction. It was during this time that I felt the most distant from God and what I thought was my calling. Day after day I questioned God, I doubted his plan for me, I was angry with God and I let him know. Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. Months turned into years. During this time I was happily employed, had a scheduled routine that provided structure for my life and overall things were good. I very well could have completely abandoned God's plan for me and made a perfectly good living working for GS and I could have been happy. However, I felt that something was missing. While my gifts and skills made me good at my job, I still felt that something was missing. Then finally one day, my plan realigned with God's. I am glad that I trusted in him. I am glad that time had not shattered my trust in him to the point where I would have turned my back to him.
As the passage from Proverbs tells us, trust in God with all your heart and not in your own understanding. If I had trusted in my own understanding then I would still be at GS, happily working, but not living fully into my Christian life, my life with Christ. These words ring true in this time of Lent. As we reflect upon our lives and the contexts and situations that we find ourselves in remember that no matter how far away you may be from where you thought you'd be, trust in God. Do not let your mind destroy that trust. Do not reason your way out of following God's plan that is written on your heart. It is not easy. God will feel distant, but I assure he is there and will always be there, until we are all called home.
Trust is built up over time, with successive moments where a person is able to count upon either another person or a group of people, and in which each person can lower their guard, become vulnerable, and be their true self. It only takes one moment, one decision, one action, that can shatter a person's trust in another person or organization that will forever change the dynamic of that relationship. I do not have to look back very far into my own past to see moments in my life when I had to truly trust in God.
I have known that I wanted to pursue ordained ministry since I was in high school. I felt that God was calling me to a life of serving and building community. After graduation I enrolled as an undergrad at Sewanee, aka the University of the South. For those of you unfamiliar with this tiny church owned liberal arts school, it is located on the Cumberland Plateau in southern Tennessee. The school's massive land holdings and its location on the edge of the plateau makes for one of the most picturesque campuses I have ever seen. It is owned by a consortium of southern Episcopal Diocese and houses a seminary on its grounds. I believed that this school would have been the perfect stepping stone to ordination. In fact I had in my mind thought that my plan was going to occur in a linear fashion, high school to seminary to ordination. Bing, bang, done. I trusted that this was God's plan for me...but what I failed to realize as I zealously headed off to middle of nowhere Tennessee was that my journey was not at all going to unfold according to my plan, but to God's.
Fast forward two years and I was back in Boston with my education on hold, my journey towards ordination on hold, and my life just sort of drifting along without direction. It was during this time that I felt the most distant from God and what I thought was my calling. Day after day I questioned God, I doubted his plan for me, I was angry with God and I let him know. Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. Months turned into years. During this time I was happily employed, had a scheduled routine that provided structure for my life and overall things were good. I very well could have completely abandoned God's plan for me and made a perfectly good living working for GS and I could have been happy. However, I felt that something was missing. While my gifts and skills made me good at my job, I still felt that something was missing. Then finally one day, my plan realigned with God's. I am glad that I trusted in him. I am glad that time had not shattered my trust in him to the point where I would have turned my back to him.
As the passage from Proverbs tells us, trust in God with all your heart and not in your own understanding. If I had trusted in my own understanding then I would still be at GS, happily working, but not living fully into my Christian life, my life with Christ. These words ring true in this time of Lent. As we reflect upon our lives and the contexts and situations that we find ourselves in remember that no matter how far away you may be from where you thought you'd be, trust in God. Do not let your mind destroy that trust. Do not reason your way out of following God's plan that is written on your heart. It is not easy. God will feel distant, but I assure he is there and will always be there, until we are all called home.
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