What do you understand about who God is?
God is love. Simply put, but yet God is infinitely more complicated than that. I have come to know God in the love that has been given to me by others and by the love that I give to others. We are made in the image of God so the love we share with each other is but a glimpse of the love that God has for us, for me. We can never fully comprehend the magnitude of God's love for us because frankly we lack the language that could communicate and understand that love. However, I know it because I feel it and I can see it in the physical world around, in the relationships I share.
This is a easy, yet complex question. We come to know God through God's self-revelation to us through Jesus Christ. This self-revelation has and continues to be given to us in many other ways, through prophetic witness, radical hospitality, and prayer. These were embodied by Jesus and was central to his life and teachings. They have also been embodied by other people throughout human history. God clearly desires a relationship with us and not just as an acquaintance, but an intimate and genuine relationship. While we can get a mere glimpse at who God is through these experiences we will never know the entirety of who God is. That is both daunting and comforting. It is daunting because of the sheer enormity of who God is, yet it is comforting because this also means that anything is possible in God and through God.
Lord, help me to continue to keep my gaze upon you, striving to see your presence in the world around me. Amen.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Love Life: Revelation (Day 5)
Can you allow yourself to be vulnerable and be embraced?
This is perhaps one of the most difficult things for me to do. I express my vulnerability in degrees, the closer someone is to my inner circle the more vulnerable I will be with them. This is helpful in some situations where remaining calm and unaffected is a positive and necessary character trait. However, it can be unhelpful in pastoral situations where it could be perceived as distant and uncaring. The challenge for the week, not only through these reflections but also through action, is to be more willing to take that risk.
My CPE group detested me because I always appeared cool and calm, especially in emotionally and spiritually intense situations. Now of course I experienced feelings of anxiety, fear, sadness, and lack of self-confidence during my time in the hospital as a chaplain intern. However, I never showed it to my peer group or at least they never saw it in our interactions. One the one hand I do think that this is a very important leadership trait because it inspires confidence and trust in the person who can handle intense situations calmly, carefully, and thoughtfully. How and why I developed my skill at managing my emotions is a post for another day, but nevertheless my calm demeanor was envied by my CPE group. One realization that did come about from our conversations was that some people might view that as a negative in a pastoral situate. On this point I agree, and my qualm with their statements was that they were not in the rooms with me while making pastoral visits and interacting with patients and families. Of course this is coming from a biased perspective, but I believe that when I was with patients I was being open, genuine, and empathetic. I have a very deep streak of empathy running through me, so much so that when I put myself in another person's shoes I feel strong emotions. Perhaps it's just my own projection that what I feel in that situation is similar to others or perhaps I am just naturally predisposed to a certain level of empathy. Regardless, I believe that I am extremely empathetic and open in my display of emotion when I need to be.
All of this has led me to reflect on why I am not more open and vulnerable with other. I believe that it is rooted in being rejected on some level, not being embraced. Being more vulnerable means exposing oneself to others, exposing the deepest parts of our being and even exposing our brokenness. If we are to experience healing then we have to expose the brokenness. God knows my brokenness, my deepest thoughts and desires, through my prayer. It is there that I name those thoughts and feelings. It is there that I offer them up to God, seeking strength and support. It is in my prayer life that I am the most vulnerable. There are a few people, and I mean a few people, with whom I am that open with in person. I think that I need to be more willing to take that risk, to expose my wounds so that I can be healed. Clearly I have a lot to reflect on.
Lord, help me to be more vulnerable with others, to be more open to show my emotions, so that the wounds and the burdens I carry may be healed and relieved. Amen.
This is perhaps one of the most difficult things for me to do. I express my vulnerability in degrees, the closer someone is to my inner circle the more vulnerable I will be with them. This is helpful in some situations where remaining calm and unaffected is a positive and necessary character trait. However, it can be unhelpful in pastoral situations where it could be perceived as distant and uncaring. The challenge for the week, not only through these reflections but also through action, is to be more willing to take that risk.
My CPE group detested me because I always appeared cool and calm, especially in emotionally and spiritually intense situations. Now of course I experienced feelings of anxiety, fear, sadness, and lack of self-confidence during my time in the hospital as a chaplain intern. However, I never showed it to my peer group or at least they never saw it in our interactions. One the one hand I do think that this is a very important leadership trait because it inspires confidence and trust in the person who can handle intense situations calmly, carefully, and thoughtfully. How and why I developed my skill at managing my emotions is a post for another day, but nevertheless my calm demeanor was envied by my CPE group. One realization that did come about from our conversations was that some people might view that as a negative in a pastoral situate. On this point I agree, and my qualm with their statements was that they were not in the rooms with me while making pastoral visits and interacting with patients and families. Of course this is coming from a biased perspective, but I believe that when I was with patients I was being open, genuine, and empathetic. I have a very deep streak of empathy running through me, so much so that when I put myself in another person's shoes I feel strong emotions. Perhaps it's just my own projection that what I feel in that situation is similar to others or perhaps I am just naturally predisposed to a certain level of empathy. Regardless, I believe that I am extremely empathetic and open in my display of emotion when I need to be.
All of this has led me to reflect on why I am not more open and vulnerable with other. I believe that it is rooted in being rejected on some level, not being embraced. Being more vulnerable means exposing oneself to others, exposing the deepest parts of our being and even exposing our brokenness. If we are to experience healing then we have to expose the brokenness. God knows my brokenness, my deepest thoughts and desires, through my prayer. It is there that I name those thoughts and feelings. It is there that I offer them up to God, seeking strength and support. It is in my prayer life that I am the most vulnerable. There are a few people, and I mean a few people, with whom I am that open with in person. I think that I need to be more willing to take that risk, to expose my wounds so that I can be healed. Clearly I have a lot to reflect on.
Lord, help me to be more vulnerable with others, to be more open to show my emotions, so that the wounds and the burdens I carry may be healed and relieved. Amen.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Love Life: Sabbath (Day 4)
No question or reflection today. Resting in the silence. Call it channeling my inner Elijah, listening for the small voice in the silence.
Lord, put my mind and my heart at ease, push away the cares of today so that I can hear your voice in the quiet moments of this restful day. Amen.
Lord, put my mind and my heart at ease, push away the cares of today so that I can hear your voice in the quiet moments of this restful day. Amen.
Friday, March 7, 2014
Love Life: Introduction Part 3 - Scripture (Day 3)
Write a wish for your journey along the way.
This paradox of light and darkness, heavenly and earthly, that is present in the Gospel of John is so true in that it describes the way I live, constantly navigating between the two. My wish for this journey is to experience both of them more fully, to not be afraid to delve into the dark night of soul while also living in the light that is love of Jesus Christ and the promise of the Kingdom of God. It is a delicate balance as staying in one place too long can cloud my vision. Stay in the darkness too long and I can be consumed by it. But if I never acknowledge it and always stay in the light, the darkness will grow and grow. Likewise, if I focus too much on the heavenly, the earthly needs of the people around me will not be met. I hope that during this journey I can be more intentional and aware of these moments. How do I look to the future but remain in the present? How do I live in the light while also acknowledging the darkness?
Lord, walk with me as I embark on this journey. Be the light in the darkness, help me to be aware of the depths of my own soul, so that I can not only take better care of myself but also be a better minister to others. Amen
This paradox of light and darkness, heavenly and earthly, that is present in the Gospel of John is so true in that it describes the way I live, constantly navigating between the two. My wish for this journey is to experience both of them more fully, to not be afraid to delve into the dark night of soul while also living in the light that is love of Jesus Christ and the promise of the Kingdom of God. It is a delicate balance as staying in one place too long can cloud my vision. Stay in the darkness too long and I can be consumed by it. But if I never acknowledge it and always stay in the light, the darkness will grow and grow. Likewise, if I focus too much on the heavenly, the earthly needs of the people around me will not be met. I hope that during this journey I can be more intentional and aware of these moments. How do I look to the future but remain in the present? How do I live in the light while also acknowledging the darkness?
Lord, walk with me as I embark on this journey. Be the light in the darkness, help me to be aware of the depths of my own soul, so that I can not only take better care of myself but also be a better minister to others. Amen
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Love Life: Introduction Part 2 - Gospel (Day 2)
What new word is God speaking to you?
Self-worth. This is the word that has been speaking to me in my prayer recently. It is a word that I hear, but I am not actually listening to it. I am not hearing and inwardly digesting the word, instead it goes in one ear and out the other. I am slowly approaching a goal that I have been working towards for a long time, a goal that at one point seemed unachievable, but now I am on the verge of its realization. This goal has and will continue to shape and form my life. While this is an exciting time, I am now questioning just how good will I be in living out this goal. Am I good enough? Will I make a difference? What sets me apart from others who are also realizing the same goal? I believe that I am called to a specific vocation. I believe that I have a range of gifts and acquired skills that will support this vocation. But somewhere, somehow I do not feel good enough. It is not that I need to be told that I am good enough by others because I tend to diminish or dismiss their praise. However, it is clear that if God is telling me that I am good enough and others are telling me that I am good enough then perhaps it is time for me to stop hearing and actually listen.
This was especially hard for me because as I look back throughout my life I think that I have always struggled with a sense of self-worth. I am confident in my skills. I am confident in what I bring to the table, but I often struggle with accepting that I am good enough. Don't get me wrong, I have a loving and supportive family and circle of friends that have been very supportive and they have affirmed my calling. I think that my struggle is that I am a bit dismissive of their plaudits because what loving family or friends would say, "Hey, you kind of suck at this maybe you should think of doing something else." No one would say that, unless they were brutally honest, which sometimes is necessary in any relationship but is set aside because no one wants to hurt another person's feelings. I think I will become more confident in myself when I am actually living out this vocation. Perhaps I have been in an academic setting too long, too removed from actively engaging with a community on a day to day basis. I think it is time for me to put my gifts and skills to use and then, maybe then, I will see more value in myself in what I can give to the wider world.
Lord, help me to actually listen to the words you speak to me and to trust them, because if I am not listening to that word what else am I missing? Help me to listen better. Amen.
Self-worth. This is the word that has been speaking to me in my prayer recently. It is a word that I hear, but I am not actually listening to it. I am not hearing and inwardly digesting the word, instead it goes in one ear and out the other. I am slowly approaching a goal that I have been working towards for a long time, a goal that at one point seemed unachievable, but now I am on the verge of its realization. This goal has and will continue to shape and form my life. While this is an exciting time, I am now questioning just how good will I be in living out this goal. Am I good enough? Will I make a difference? What sets me apart from others who are also realizing the same goal? I believe that I am called to a specific vocation. I believe that I have a range of gifts and acquired skills that will support this vocation. But somewhere, somehow I do not feel good enough. It is not that I need to be told that I am good enough by others because I tend to diminish or dismiss their praise. However, it is clear that if God is telling me that I am good enough and others are telling me that I am good enough then perhaps it is time for me to stop hearing and actually listen.
This was especially hard for me because as I look back throughout my life I think that I have always struggled with a sense of self-worth. I am confident in my skills. I am confident in what I bring to the table, but I often struggle with accepting that I am good enough. Don't get me wrong, I have a loving and supportive family and circle of friends that have been very supportive and they have affirmed my calling. I think that my struggle is that I am a bit dismissive of their plaudits because what loving family or friends would say, "Hey, you kind of suck at this maybe you should think of doing something else." No one would say that, unless they were brutally honest, which sometimes is necessary in any relationship but is set aside because no one wants to hurt another person's feelings. I think I will become more confident in myself when I am actually living out this vocation. Perhaps I have been in an academic setting too long, too removed from actively engaging with a community on a day to day basis. I think it is time for me to put my gifts and skills to use and then, maybe then, I will see more value in myself in what I can give to the wider world.
Lord, help me to actually listen to the words you speak to me and to trust them, because if I am not listening to that word what else am I missing? Help me to listen better. Amen.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Love Life: Introduction Part 1 - Conversion (Day 1)
Where can you know abundant life? Where can you still grow?
I can see the abundant life around me, as proclaimed by Jesus in the Gospel of John, through the love and support that I feel from my family and friends, to know that I am not alone; and the love that shines through them is a reflection of the love that God has for me. It is a personal and intimate love that transcends all sorrow and loneliness, that light that shines when all other light has disappeared. When that love flows to me from others then I know that I have experienced a glimpse of the abundant life promised to us by Jesus.
My growing edge is learning how to better reflect that love that I experience to others. I feel that I so show and share that love but not all the time. I believe that I can be more open, more forward, and more vocal in sharing the love of God with others.
These first questions had me thinking and got me thinking good. (Yes I know it is bad grammar.) These questions forced me to reflect upon my life and see just where do I feel and see God's blessings at work. It also forced me to determine where I still need to grow. The first part was fairly easy as I have been blessed to have such a great loving and supportive family, including my new family that will be made official in just about 78 days...who's counting??? I also have been blessed with amazing group of friends that continue to demonstrate unwavering support and generous hospitality. I am truly thankful for both as this journey would be much more difficult without them. The hard part was the second question as it forced me to face my perceived inadequacies so that I might be more aware of them. Awareness of these short comings will allow me to focus on them in order to change. Of course change does not come easily as we are all creatures of habit, but by bringing it to the forefront I am more apt to think about it the next time I am in a situation where I would normally be reserved when I should be more open.
Lord, help me more open in sharing your love with the world. Amen.
I can see the abundant life around me, as proclaimed by Jesus in the Gospel of John, through the love and support that I feel from my family and friends, to know that I am not alone; and the love that shines through them is a reflection of the love that God has for me. It is a personal and intimate love that transcends all sorrow and loneliness, that light that shines when all other light has disappeared. When that love flows to me from others then I know that I have experienced a glimpse of the abundant life promised to us by Jesus.
My growing edge is learning how to better reflect that love that I experience to others. I feel that I so show and share that love but not all the time. I believe that I can be more open, more forward, and more vocal in sharing the love of God with others.
These first questions had me thinking and got me thinking good. (Yes I know it is bad grammar.) These questions forced me to reflect upon my life and see just where do I feel and see God's blessings at work. It also forced me to determine where I still need to grow. The first part was fairly easy as I have been blessed to have such a great loving and supportive family, including my new family that will be made official in just about 78 days...who's counting??? I also have been blessed with amazing group of friends that continue to demonstrate unwavering support and generous hospitality. I am truly thankful for both as this journey would be much more difficult without them. The hard part was the second question as it forced me to face my perceived inadequacies so that I might be more aware of them. Awareness of these short comings will allow me to focus on them in order to change. Of course change does not come easily as we are all creatures of habit, but by bringing it to the forefront I am more apt to think about it the next time I am in a situation where I would normally be reserved when I should be more open.
Lord, help me more open in sharing your love with the world. Amen.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Lent...It's about to begin!!!!
Lent is about to begin and I am faced with the struggle that I faced last year...sticking to a new spiritual practice or some other program. At my field education parish I have been working on a 5-week series based on the Restoration Project Movement. Their Lenten challenge is 20/1/4; 20 minutes of prayer a day, 1 hour of worship a week, and 4 hours of community service a week. We will also be reading their book on the movement that is intended to bring about a deeper relationship with God through Jesus. So we will be reflecting upon our own personal experiences with the Lenten Challenge as well as reflect upon the readings from the book. While this should be a great series to engage with and further the formation into better discipleship for both myself and the parish, but we only meet once a week so it lacks that daily element that I am looking for. That is why I will also participate in the program offered by the Society of St. John the Evangelist, an Episcopal/Anglican monastic community that I am affiliated with and is located in Cambridge, MA. For Lent they have produced a series of videos and questions that will be sent out daily. They hope that individuals and groups will watch the videos, answer the questions and then share their answer via social media, using the hashtag #LoveLife. I am going to challenge myself to engage in this daily program and share my answers via Facebook and here, but I will also post a reflection upon the question and my response. Hopefully I can see this through for forty days. Wish me luck.
It is in moments like this I think of Cartman and his lack of discipline. Time for pancakes!
It is in moments like this I think of Cartman and his lack of discipline. Time for pancakes!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)